Imagine praying and hearing this: 

Thank you for calling My Father's House. Please select one of the following options: 

Press 1 for Requests 

Press 2 for Thanksgiving 

Press 3 for Complaints 

Press 4 for all other inquiries 

"I'm sorry, all the angels are helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order in which it was received." 

"If you would like to speak to Gabriel, press l For Michael, press 2. For a directory of other angels, press 3. 

If you'd like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, press 4. 

To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, press 5, enter is or her Social Security number followed by the pound key. 

For reservations at My Father's House, press the letters J-O-H-N, then 3-1-6 

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, and where Noah's ark is, please wait until you arrive here. 

Our computers show that you have already called once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow. This office is closed for the weekend. Please call again on Monday after 9:00 a.m.